Trusting the Process – does that sound scary?
We have been talking about Awareness/Acceptance and Conscious Choices and today we look at what it means for us as Parents to “Trust the Process”.
Hearing this out of context sounds a bit like letting your car park itself – which is a feature I immediately disabled in my car as it was just too scary a thought to give up my role in the driver’s seat…
When we talk about “Trusting the Process”, we are talking about the process of learning and of mastery NOT about letting go of your steering wheel.
The aim is to Grow, not to ‘Arrive’
We all do the best we can with what we know every day. No one intentionally makes a mistake! Every day, with every action we take, we will either achieve what we intended or we will learn and get a better idea what we need to reach our goal.
Trusting we can use the tools and the knowledge we already possess to create what we want reduces self-blame. The goal is to grow, not to “arrive”. Learning from what worked and what did not and creating a plan on top of trusting yourself gives you a success formula.
What does this mean for us as parents and the way we parent?
As much as we’d love it, we all know that having a plan is great, but the plan will not always work. There are always bumps in the road, and outcomes can be a long way from those we imagined.
“I studied business and literature and have always loved to read. So when my oldest child was struggling to learn to read and was finally diagnosed with Dyslexia, I was completely perplexed. It was difficult to grasp what this meant for him or for us as parents. I had never given it any thought beforehand that something could go “wrong”. In my mind the path through school was clear cut. At first the main feeling was one of utter helplessness, we were in a country with a language that was not my first language, this school system was much different from what I knew and my kid was bilingual. So what now??
Not a linear clear cut path through school, like I had imagined. Trusting the process in my case meant trusting my instincts about what was the best approach. Knowing my child and creating a plan that fitted with his needs was paramount. As well as what building in the important values that worked for us.
It meant letting go of the expectations I had been holding. I had to pay close attention to the needs of the child and making sure that he knew how to ask for help. We advocated
for him when he was younger.
Be more toddler
I like the analogy of a toddler learning to walk. Walking is an essential skill for all healthy and able human beings. And part of learning to walk is falling and needing to get back up. Trusting that with every step you take, you know better how to do it, and with every tumble you take you know what to avoid. The goal is to independently walk and run.
The way to get there is through continuously evaluate, reflect and learn.”
“We are a work in progress” COR.E Foundation Principle
Evaluate your definition of success
“It feels like there are an increasing number of opportunities to trust the process as the kids make more and more of their own life decisions!
We spent a happy Saturday evening catching up with friends we had not seen for a few years.Inevitably, the conversations worked its way round to updates about all the children. I reflected on how the kids freedom of choice for their future (last weeks topic) was such a difficult thing to be at peace with when we are fixed to an outcome. I was brought up with no expectations of a future career. A hard working ethic was much more important than where it got you. So I definitely felt that my parents trusted me and gave me the space to make my own decisions. Now there is so much information available that we, as parents can access. Our need to control future paths for our children is very easy to feed long after they leave school! I try very hard to define success in terms of good mental and physical health and enough money to fund their own chosen lifestyle.”
Be present and enjoy the process
We believe that if we sit in the present – knowing that we can trust in the process – it saves a lot of metal anguish! Instead of working through future problems that have not yet occurred! So ditch the ”‘What if’s” and enjoy what you have now!
The Parents are People Too process
Awareness allows you to see reality by determining the facts and your reaction to the facts.
Acceptance allows you to remain present and objective by accepting facts and understanding and accepting your reaction to them.
Making Conscious Choices allows you to evaluate and discern the facts, not judge them. Then develop a plan and discover what your parenting success formula looks like.
Being able to respond to an unwanted outcome and asking yourself “What did I learn that will help me next time” is much more powerful than asking yourself “Why did this happen to me”.
Trusting the process and our parenting, allows us to confidently approach situations, knowing that we are served by the outcome – one way or the other. Bumps in the road are part of life and part of the process. What we learn from them and how they allow us to grow is the important part.
Based on principles and Ideas from iPEC COR.E Transition Dynamics